Giving thanks to a splendid university

Andrew Burnes, Editor

Sometimes we, as students of Texas A&M University-Commerce, can get big-headed. We think that we can sleep wherever we want to sleep while we’re under the magnificent A&M-Commerce lion banner. We think that we, who are mere mortals just passing through, have a say in the legacy that is the 125 years of excellence that this institution has provided. For God’s sake, the people that first attended school here were still remembering the Alamo!

It’s only natural. Often, the university will ask you to give feedback about your classes or about the ungodly, multi-year construction around this place just to make you feel that you, as an individual, matter. They’ll congratulate you and shake your hand when you finally reach the point when you can be handed your diploma, give you a pat on the head and say, “Good work, Kid. But don’t forget, if you really want to succeed, you’re probably going to need a Master’s Degree, as well. Luckily, we offer them right here at your home, Texas A&M University-Commerce!” It’s all masterfully done.

But, by far, the most humbling thing they’ll do to you as a student of this university is to tell you where to park. Just when you think that you’re on an equal playing field with your professors and janitors, they’ll remind you that you just haven’t paid your dues, yet. You can’t park next to the building your next class is in, silly, those spots are reserved for people who are better than you. Maybe in a few years, after another few thousand dollars, you’ll be enough of a person to warrant such a parking place. Maybe.

So I’d like to personally take this time to thank the university for everything that they do. I’d like to thank them for charging $40 for the opportunity and the privilege to park half a mile away from where I need to go. I’d like to thank them for telling my fellow students where to lay their heads at night after another long day in the salt mines. And I’d particularly like to thank that professor out there who doesn’t care to take the time to respond to students who ask him to do a simple task for them and instead force them to find a friendly graduate of East Texas State University to help them out. Thank you so much.

But I’d like to give a special thanks to the officers of UPD. I want to thank them for making sure that our university is a safe place by busting all of you pot-smoking heathens out there (you know who you are). I’d like to thank them for gazing through their little SUV windows at us like we’re nothing but hunks of meat, because we aren’t. But I’d particularly like to thank them for wearing their badges with pride and diligently patrolling the dangerous parking lots around campus to make sure that only the worthy park in our parking lots; make sure that everybody is in their place. Because God forbid we forget to go by the One Stop Shop and pay our annual $40 for the new, beautiful 125 Anniversary parking sticker and mistakenly park in a parking lot we foolishly and erroneously think is far enough away from civilization to be acceptable. From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank God for each and every one of you. God only knows what would happen if we were all treated equally.